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Five years later.... [30 Mar 2010|05:30pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

Forever should be taken out of the english language.  Now-a-days our views change more frequently than some people change their underwear.  "Best friends forever!", "I will love you forever", I'm over it.  I'm overwhelmed by thoughts of the past.  I find myself asking way too often "what if?"  The big what if right?  Everyone says to not second guess yourself but how the fuck can I not?  I look back at what was important to me in the past and it's absolutely revolting.  I hate the decisions I made and I'm starting to hate who I've become because those decisions lead me down a narrow path to where I am today.  And where exactly am I today?  I'm living with my fantastic boyfriend who has to take care of me because...I can't get a fucking job...nor can I go back to college because I can't afford it nor can I get a loan.  In addition...no concrete college will take me because of my academic history.  If I had had a glimpse into the future back in 2004 I don't think I would have been nearly self absorbed as I was.  I had a lot back then that I took for granted.  I went to a fantastic high school...I had this talent for soccer...I had this great person who had a rose only for me...and what did I do?  I took a shit all over the high road.  The school?  I made B's and C's instead of taking the extra step and studying.  The soccer?  I started smoking (fucking idiot).  The person?  I was too blind to see that they was...well...they were it.  Kind, caring, there for me. You know those moments where you wish you could go back in time and yell at your past self to shut the fuck up?  or study harder? that's where I'm at. 

My life isn't bad...it's just not where I wanted to be way back when.  My dreams haven't come true.

I wish I could go back and do it all over again...


Just maybe...
Things might have been...


look in my eyes

One Last Time... [31 Oct 2005|01:44am]
Man...I LOVE my friends. Johnny and Ronney always know how to get a girl to laugh. Tonight was awesome. I really missed hanging out with my sister. She's one cool ass cookie.

I love starbucks. HILARIOUS things always go down there.

Me: Give me my shit...BITCH

Me:I think he's going to tip her?
Ronney: Nope, I think he's just pulling out the money to impress her.

Ronney: That's how Johnny made his first movie apperance!

Katie: Don't worry Johnny, just tell him how short he is.
4 took the time| look in my eyes

With This Knife... [28 Oct 2005|02:34pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

How do I put into words the way I felt
When the butterflies in my stomach tried to escape
After he glanced my way with those eyes?
Eyes that beckoned me to listen to the stories of his soul.

How do I put into words the way my heart pounded like the waves against the shore?

How can I describe the smile that put the stars to shame?

How can I begin to explain why every part of my body came alive when his lips met mine?

When he looked into my eyes, I know his stare reached beyond the outershell.
He looked beyond the color, and he saw what was inside of me.

Now that's all the past, and all I'm left with are the memories and hope. 
Hope that one day, he'll miss the bliss of the title.
The Us.

look in my eyes

[12 Aug 2005|01:03pm]
Holy shit...you know what pisses me off? When people change to impress someone. I mean, when you chnage the music you like, the way you dress, the beer you drink...or actually dirnking beer now...then you're a very very sad person. "You can't always get what you want". Someone people...definatly need to take that to heart.

Some people also really need to...you know...be the same person to everyone. Not one way one minute and then a nother the next.

It's really annoying.
1 took the time| look in my eyes

Let Her Tears Fall Down Like Rain. [08 Aug 2005|10:33pm]
[ mood | sad ]

I'm offically single...

Ryan broke up with me tonight.
Everyone keeps saying "it's for the best".





Then why does my heart hurt?

2 took the time| look in my eyes

[05 Aug 2005|02:27am]
My sister def. already had written what I was going to write...almost to a T so...I'll just copy and paste! Tonight...I swear...I felt my heart beating out of my chest...Here's what happened.

" "holy journal entry batman" how right ronney was. so i was driving to walmart....with allison ronney and jonni....five miles an hour under the speed limit when all of a sudden some cars are right behind me i was like damn, they are going kinda fast. so then some blue and red lights start flashing and they are flashing me to pull over. i am all like oh shit. me with no seatbelt plus a suspended liscense equals very bad. so i buckle up, and breath. "liscense and registration" me=honestly officer we jsut ran out to get some ice cream from walmart. "does anyone have a license in the car" ronney does. i take a shit thinking i am going to get a ticket. so we were surrounded by undercover cars and the officer goes "ok get going" i was like what? he was like "get out of here" so we leave. it was really weird and really disturbed me. one of the cops in the cars that pulled up to us was like "hey this is homestead, there are tons of cars full of white kids." so yeah they are everywhere. not my kinda night. geeez."
look in my eyes

[03 Aug 2005|05:45pm]
[ mood | happy ]

I'm home.

Just incase anyone cares.

3 took the time| look in my eyes

Quote #2 [18 Jul 2005|11:12pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

Seduce my mind and you can have my body,
Find my soul and I'm yours forever.

1 took the time| look in my eyes

Quote of the Day [17 Jul 2005|11:26pm]
Love me without fear
Trust me without questioning
Need me without demanding
Want me without restrictions
Accept me without change
And desire me without inhibitions.
look in my eyes

Stole This From Jenny Koren [17 Jul 2005|10:37pm]
[ mood | sad ]

1. Trophies
2. Pictures of my family and bestest friends
3. Trash
4. Empty bottles
5. Soccer stuff
6. Old Letters that I cant throw away
7. My bed (which I miss soooo much)

1. Totally
2. Shut Up
3. You're an idiot
4. That's my cue
5. Do you want to hear a sad story
6. I love you (but I mean it)
7. Huh?

1. My mom
2. My sister
3. My bed (i'm dieing)
4. My cellphone
5. Soccer
6. .......well you know
7. :) Kissing...

1. Leave the country
2. Get a tattoo
3. Swim with sharks
4. Say I love you and really mean it (to a significant other)
5. Get arrested
6. Write a song
7. Make a diffrence in a complete strangers life

Do You:
1. Smoke? yes
2. Do drugs? sometimes....
3. Read the newspaper? the funnies
4. Pray? sometimes
5. Have a Job? sort of
6. Attend Church? Yes
7. Wish on stars? Fo Sho

Have you ever:
1. Gone skinny dipping? Yes
2. Had surgery? No
3. Swam in the dark? Yes
4. Been to a bonfire? Yes
5. Ran away from home? Wanted to...
6. Played strip poker? yes...and I won
7. Pulled an all nighter? Yes

Have you in the past 24 hours:
1. Cried? yes
2. Sang? Yes
3. Been kissed? No
4. Felt stupid? Yes
5. Talked to an ex? Yes.
6. Missed someone? A lot of people.
7. Hugged someone? Yes.

Welcome to my life ladies and gentalmen

1 took the time| look in my eyes

[12 Jul 2005|01:06am]
[ mood | crazy ]

I'm leaving tomorrow. Will anyone miss me?

My mom is standing here bitching. What a way to send me off.

2 took the time| look in my eyes

[11 Jul 2005|01:10am]
Me: i just feel so...bad.
Me: you know?
Luigi: yeah, cuz ur a free spirit and u dont like hurting ppl, but still, u dont deserve that. he should understand that u cant control how u feel, no1 can
Luigi: thats life sometimes, ppl get hurt
1 took the time| look in my eyes

Help...I need somebody. [09 Jul 2005|05:20pm]
I don't know why I'm the way I am.

One min...I'm completely happy-go-lucky...
The next? I turn into someone completely diffrent...and completely bitchy.

I don't want to be this way...but before I realize what's happening...I've already said something I don't mean and that I regret. The infinate sorry's I've dished out don't mean anything to anyone anymore...and it really blows my mind.

5 took the time| look in my eyes

The Truth Is... [05 Jul 2005|11:59pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

Why can't life be easier?  I always fuck things up.  This time...I don't know what to do...do I do what I want...or what about 5 other people want me to do?  I don't want to risk losing the friendships that have been rebuilt...but then again...I don't want to go through the lonliness all over again. 

I wrote this last night...
This whole thing is like a slap in the face.  You see it coming...but you don't want to stop it.  You want to wait...and see if it'll actually happen.  And then it does.  It happens so fast...and then the numbness sets in.  Then...it's over.  You don't feel it anymore.

I don't want our friendship to be a slap in the face...do you?

4 took the time| look in my eyes

LMAO [29 Jun 2005|02:28pm]
buFfdUDe1818:what, who are you?
Sexyma43254:My name is Samantha Clit, and this is Mike Hurff, right?

buFfdUDe1818:Yeah, I am eating spaghetti

Sexyma43254:Oh, well i think your hot and i want to see you tonight.

buFfdUDe1818:I don't even know you

Sexyma43254:but i know you

buFfdUDe1818:oh...well you aren't going to sneek through my window then bladerape me, then skin me alive, then hang my remains, then eat them are you?

Sexyma43254:Oh...no...well...no...just make sure you sleep in your little brothers room and go to the window when you hear a knock...and don't have a weapon near you.

buFfdUDe1818:Alright...ill make sure im just in boxers and im as vulnerable as possible.

Sexyma43254:Oh, and make sure your brother is vulnerable too...and dont wake him up if you are disturbed by anything.


That night, Mike went into his brother's room and slept with him(occasionaly rubbing his genitalia against his brother's soft and velvety anus). But he awoke due to a tap at a window that a preverted/psychotic girl could fit through. He got up and leaned foward while putting his hands behind his back and walked to the window....he opened the window and leaned over the sill as far as he could to see if anyone was there...nothing...just some branches and a squirrel. He turned around and saw his brother bleeding through his ears and mouth...Mike went to check it out...but when he got there he realized his brother had stopped breathing! He then saw a hand coming out of his closet door. He didn't think twice about not telling his parents or grabbing a weapon. instead he decided to be smart and go open the closet door. And suprisingly there was a sick girl there...she stood 4'11 and had no mouth. her eyes were baby blue and she had blood soaked brown hair. Then she grabbed mike by the neck...threw him on the ground and bladeraped him, then skinned him alive, hung his remains and ate them.


The next day the boys little sister Megan who was only 5 went into her little brothers room only to find them both dead. She screamed and her parents ran in....they were devestated and cried for 3 days straight...they died from water loss and the little girl was left parentless...so she went and lived with a foster home...she went on her new families computer and got an IM....

YoIminHell69:Hey lil sis

Heyimurlilsis1314:Hoo is dis?

YoIminHell69:its your brother.

Heyimurlilsis1314:I dont have a brother

YoIminHell69:yes you do, you have two...remember we were just
killed a few days ago.

Heyimurlilsis1314:no...i don't...

Heyimurlilsis1314:wait, yes i do.

YoIminHell69:good good

Heyimurlilsis1314:wait, aren't you dead?

YoIminHell69:yeah, hell has computers

Heyimurlilsis1314:but why are you in hell?

YoIminHell69:i kinda touched my lil bro that night...but thats not the point.

Heyimurlilsis1314:oh so what do you want?

YoIminHell69:well i need you to go kill anyone who doesnt pass on my murder story after they read it.

Heyimurlilsis1314:okay...i'll do that...i have infinite transportation to everywhere in america and some parts of europe.

YoIminHell69:umm...it'd work better if you killed yourself...then you could run around everywhere murdering people who dont pass on this chain letter and the government would NEVER get involved with the mysterious deaths stemming from passed on internet stories.

Heyimurlilsis1314:So you want me to enforce those chainletters that take up all the space on blog sites like myspace,livejournal,xanga and all other email systems.

YoIminHell69:yeah...that would be sweet....im sure when you die you will get an instant psychic connection to everyone's computer and know who read what, when.

Heyimurlilsis1314:oh, yeah, i probably will...awesome...ill go kill myself now.

Later that night the girl killed herself and became an all powerful and almost omnipresent being...Megan now spends her days bladeraping,skinning,hanging,and eating people who don't pass on this chain letter.

Watch out...cause if you dont pass this on in 35 seconds you will be Bladeraped, skinned, hung, then eaten by megan...who is now ugly and deformed looking because she is dead and vengeful.

GOOD LUCK(because it takes luck to repost a fucking bulletin or forward an email)
2 took the time| look in my eyes

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